[aside]

I learned during my brief stay at Zen Center that it is considered un-Zen to cook with a microwave, because you're supposed to appreciate every step in a process... every thing you do. So, thought experiment: if I really enjoy using my food processor and appreciate its quick efficiency (it is a better chopper than I), is it a Zen experience, even though it's technically a short cut?

Embellishments

Buckle up, mouseketeers. I think I'm going to take this time to wrap up talking about the decor and other visual elements. It will be fun. I promise. Though now that I look at all the photos, I think this may take two posts.

Centerpieces:
My little sister stayed with us for about a week back in early September and in addition to helping with the invitations and finding my mom's (lovely) dress, we put together some centerpiece prototypes.


Not to be unappreciative of her effort, but they never clicked for me. Which is somewhat unusual in the realm of my craft projects, but not entirely unheard of. While some of the component pieces made it to the wedding serving other functions (like holding programs), the only piece that survived outright was the foil frames intended to hold the numbers.

Table numbers:
The metal frames were just a few dollars apiece from Ikea, and other supplies used were aluminum foil and ink-jet printable transparencies.
-First, I figured that for the size of my frames, I could print about four numbers per 8.5x11 transparency sheet, then proceeded to print numbers in our signature font. Best to use the highest quality setting on the printer to get a nice solid black on the transparency. Then let the ink dry thoroughly and cut into quarters for individual frames.

-Meanwhile, cut a piece of aluminum foil for each frame that is a good bit bigger than the frame back, since you'll need to wrap around the edges. Crumple each piece of foil and carefully un-crumple. Took a while to get the hang of this without tearing the foil to shreds, so make some extra for practice. Then wrap each frame back with the foil, folding the corners around as neatly as you can, like wrapping a gift.

-Lay the transparency sheets into the frames behind the glass, put the foil-covered frame back in place, fasten, and voila. You may need to loosen the little tabs that hold the frame in to allow room for the foil, but this can usually just be done with a screwdriver. Then trim excess foil from the back, but careful not to trim too much.


What happened to the rest of the centerpieces? Well, they went away. And trust me when I say that they were not missed. There are many good things to be said for simplicity. At the event:


And just in case anyone was curious about the result of my LED tea light venture, check out the stairs and the mantle here:


Very candle-looking, if I do say so myself! Dad, stepmom, and step-aunt laboriously placed all 144 of them around the mansion, which makes it even funnier that in the photo below, my dad is definitely telling me not to worry about the "candles" I'm knocking over as we walk down the "aisle."

train + me = wake of destruction.

Fortunately, I had a day-of-coordinator and a professional flouffer to clean up after me, since the top stairs photo was taken after the ceremony.

Still to come (I can't believe there's more, but hopefully it's not a bad thing):
-the cake, in production
-non-floral boutonnières & corsages, seen in the wild
-programs (for real)
-place cards!
-other, non-decor things, as previously promised.

Anything you want to see?

We are both oldest children, and the significance of that cannot be dismissed. No matter how slight the expectations projected onto us by our parents, it has been our (spoken or unspoken) responsibility to set the bar and be an example since before we can even remember. Whatever the success metric, we pressure ourselves to meet it.

I wonder whether I would be as free-spirited and brave as they seem to be, if I had been raised by her parents. She used to wear the denim jacket her father wore when he hitchhiked to Alaska...my father would never, in a million years, hitchhike to Alaska. From what I know, they are brilliant, beautiful, and caring, all of them. We are just brilliant and arguably beautiful, but self-interested in a way that they are not.

The approach is the same, only the emphasis is different. We have so few guidelines, no instructions on how to get to point B from here, just the implication of where we're supposed to end up, and the desperate wish of every child not to disappoint. While they make their own paths, we pour ourselves into the mold of intellectual superiority, financial stability, and social normality, inasmuch as such a thing is possible or even exists, today. I wonder whether, under other circumstances, my mother could have raised such spiritually courageous offspring as they are.

My step-sisters have, I think, suffered much worse. They have no point B, they have only the unconditional but slightly exasperated love of their mother, and my father's thinly-veiled suspicion that he is too late to help them. Though I do finally think that he would be a good parent, now. They appear to have chosen for themselves, but rather than make their way towards a stated goal, they stumble, blind, resisting direction, as my siblings and I look on baffled and horrified.

The power to choose our own destinies is, as everything, a blessing and a curse. Choice and opportunity paralyze us at every turn, the fear of regret often outweighing the fear of failure. And so we try to pack too much into lives already consumed with empty tasks, gaining satisfaction from so precious little of it.

My heart goes out to those who are bold enough to refuse to decide until they are damned good and ready, for even if the pattern of the universe does not reveal itself to you while you look on it, I think the wait alone will prove worthwhile.

Best of luck, Kyle.




For context.

Hair and Makeup DIY

I had always intended to do my own makeup and, through my own (gasp!) bad project management in failing to properly secure my fantastic hairstylist for the wedding, also ended up doing my own hair. So a couple of weeks before the wedding, I did a test run.

The photos below are from before my stylist gave me a lesson in how to do the tiara myself, but you'll see those results soon enough. This test showed me that the lip color I'd chosen was awful and that I really needed to be shown how to do my hair, because otherwise, my tiara would no doubt fall from atop my head in a fit of wild failing (aka: dancing), and be crushed underfoot by many happy guests. I will intersperse quick reviews of the products I used as we progress through the evening. I apologize for being less than entirely empirical by taking this series of photos under varying lighting conditions. Just use your imagination.

3pm, 3:15, and 4

Foundation: Revlon Colorstay mineral foundation ~$14: Love this stuff. Have found new uses for it since the wedding, and would have used it more extensively then if I had known. I may stockpile this on the off-chance that they discontinue it. Long-lasting, light-wearing, looks awesome.
Concealer: Revlon Colorstay Under-Eye concealer ~$7: Big thumbs down. Found it difficult to apply, not great coverage, definitely settles into creases. Reverted to my Mac concealer for the wedding.
Blush: Neutrogena mineral sheer $?: Don't remember what I paid for this stuff, but it's the kind that dispenses through the brush. I really like the color, feel, and application of this, but I don't usually find it to be very long wearing. This is my everyday blush. I wasn't too worried about looking too pale at the wedding, given the circumstances ("blushing bride" blah blah blah) and the aforementioned wild flailing.

7, 9:30

Mascara: Cargo Better-than-waterproof $20: Got this from Sephora after sampling a couple of others. This is a great tubular mascara that actually doesn't wind up with me looking like I've been punched. Seriously, I've tried many "waterproof" mascaras, and someone finally realized that I'm not looking for mascara to stay on when I go swimming, so water really isn't the issue. I guess it's just my skin, or some anti-mascara radiation that my eyes give off. The downside is that it's pricey and rather difficult to apply. I would not put this on without a lash comb handy. Comes off easily, when you want it to. Okay, I'll shut up.
Eyeshadow: Revlon Colorstay 12-hour eyeshadow ~$7 for a palette of 4 colors: Doesn't fool around. Comfy and doesn't settle into creases. A+. This was the first Revlon Colorstay item I bought, and as you can see, I was impressed.
Eyeliner: Physician's Formula Eyebrightener $?: Also don't recall what I paid for this. Nice liquid liner, pretty easy to use, tends to end up beneath my eyes so I skipped it for the wedding.

11pm, and 1am

Lip color: Revlon Colorstay Overtime Sheer lip color ~$7: Yes, more Revlon. Didn't end up using the color shown in photos above (too cool for me), but went with another shade of the same. Warning: this stuff is impossible to get off. Apply with care and conviction. Texture of it can get a little funny if you eat anything oily (say, wedding salmon), but comfortable, ridiculously long-wearing, can apply either lip gloss or chapstick over it. More of an A-.
Nail polish (not shown): Maybelline Express Finish base and top coat $?, Sally Hansen Insta-Dri color in Blazing Blue ~$5: As you can see, time was of the essence, especially since I didn't get to do my nails until the morning of the wedding. The Maybelline is flimsy on its own, but fine when used over another nail enamel. Does dry very quickly, as does the Sally Hansen, which I think actually dries a touch too fast. Difficult to clean up the edges before it dries, and don't even think about painting two nails before going back, at least not with a dark color. Also requires a top coat, or it chips immediately. Weird brush, extra-wide and with a rounded edge since you're meant to do the whole nail with one brush-stroke, but good coverage.

So, where did this leave me?

at 9:30 on our wedding evening, after some dancing, many many tears of joy, and more professional photos than I care to recall, this photo shows that my eyeshadow and company were still going strong. After zero touch ups. Since 3pm. The photo from my post the other day was the last professional photo of me for the night, taken just before 11pm, and I still look like myself. Which is all that I wanted.

Day-of Schedule and Other Day-of Info

I'm not sure how many of these we brought with us, but I know it was a lot. Most of the wedding party had copies, the photographer, the day-of coordinator, we definitely had a copy for the DJ (though he didn't arrive until most of the way through cocktail hour, so I'm not sure whether he received one), and of course many spares.

The Alex and Karen optionally called at 5pm were our fabulous first song musicians, and the Damon and Maggi called at 6:05 are my dad and our reader. We did skip the Party Announcements (which I didn't realize until just now) and I'm sure the music cues were not followed precisely, but the timetable was otherwise adhered to.

I also printed out a couple of cards with contact numbers for key personnel. They included the names and cell numbers of:
Officiant
Maid of Honor
Co Best Ladies
Photographer
Decorator/Stepmom
Ceremony cellist
Cocktail hour music
Guest Vocalist
DJ
Civilian Shuttle Captain
Shuttle Company
Hotel

I think one of these cards stayed in the possession of Team Groom and the other with Team Bride, though really I'm not sure. As far as I know, only the aforementioned delinquent DJ was phoned, but that alone made these cards worth the slight effort it took to make them.

For anyone curious, our civilian shuttle captain was a guest who would be taking the shuttle over to the venue from the hotel who we empowered to make executive decisions in case of any complications. Since Teams Bride and Groom (as well as the actual bride and groom) would be at the venue early for photos, this was a guest that would be traveling at the same time as the other guests. She and the Maid of Honor's boyfriend were also tasked with bringing over anything that we had forgotten at the hotel (like the marriage license, which is at least a less conspicuous item to forget than my bouquet and the boutonnières which I'd left at home before going to the hotel the previous night).

Up next: more of that stuff I said I'd tell you about. Stay tuned! For real.

Our Surprise Ceremony Readings

Us and Maggi
Let me share with you the fantastic readings done by our dear friend Maggi, who Peter and I have known since our days at Drexel. We gave her some general guidelines (no God, marriage-equality-friendly, less than 2 minutes, etc.) and asked her to select for herself. The results exceeded any of our hopes. I had started to tear up when I first walked down the aisle, but then I got my act back together and totally kept it under control...until partway through her reading when I had tears absolutely pouring down my face.

The underlining was hers, handwritten on her printed copy, and I think the line breaks were her own as well.

You are holding up a ceiling
with both arms. It is very heavy,
but you must hold it up, or else
it will fall down on you. Your arms
are tired, terribly tired,
and, as the day goes on, it feels
as if either your arms or the ceiling
will soon collapse.

But then,
unexpectedly,
something wonderful happens:
Someone,
a man or a woman,
walks into the room
and holds their arms up
to the ceiling beside you.

So you finally get
to take down your arms.
You feel the relief of respite,
the blood flowing back
to your fingers and arms.
And when your partner's arms tire,
you hold up your own
to relieve him again.

And it can go on like this
for many years
without the house falling.

A Marriage
By Michael Blumenthal

And she also read us a Judy Garland quote which was part of the ceremony that wedded her to her amazing husband, Ed:

It was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

We really could not be luckier to have in our lives such brilliant, loving, theatrical, creative people who know us so well.