I believe in equilibrium. That it exists and that the universe and everything in it attempts to maintain it. Some people almost always act the same, some have widely spaced variations in mood and behavior, and some others swing wildly back and forth over some imperceptible center point any number of times in a given day. But it does all balance out, I think. A few hours of amazing consideration and generosity are almost necessarily followed by an entire day of mild...something...just to keep things even.

But maybe that's not quite fair. At this point, things are only barely worse than usual.

I'm going to go quit whining.

I noticed late last night that my other roommate was looking terribly droopy. As a matter of fact, I'd neglected her for a couple days straight, so I brought her downstairs and gave her all she wanted to drink and then brought her back up to my room and hung her from the ceiling. Annabelle looks quite a good deal perkier today than she did last night.

For those of you who might be a little startled or suspicious, Annabelle is a potted plant.

There's a big bottle of blackberry merlot in my refridgerator.

I don't know if you're reading, but I'm thinking of you.

The clouds fall to pieces outside my window,
Shamelessly,
Desperately, kissing the streets.

Smitten,
Fireflies court cold and lovely hazard lights.


The salt on my lips tastes of you,
Of loneliness,
And of fresh bread on a night that was the end of a beginning.


Some day I'll write a song. Really.

Today was my first experience with occupational delinquency. Yes...I lied to my bosses today to avoid getting in trouble for not showing up for work til after 1pm. Well, I didn't know what time I'd be getting in to work, when I lied to them, but they're so nice and they were so worried. When I arrived, I assured them that everything was fine, and that really there was nothing to worry about, but thanked them for their concern.

I've decided that I won't go to hell (or be reincarnated as a dung beetle) for taking back one morning of my summer.

And now...for the moment I'm sure you've all been waiting for...

That's right. It's Nail-Polish Theater.

I think as a tribute to my office's "casual-but-neat" dress code that translates into me wearing sweatpants into work tomorrow, I'll be going either with the gunmetal grey or the sparkly orange. If you have any thoughts on the matter, I still have to file down and base coat before I go for colors. Feel free to let me know.

And then all of the goddamn sudden, everything worked perfectly. My dsl works, my Internet Explorer works...the force is in balance once again.

There's been a soft quiet over my life, this last week. Even though I live on a much louder street where semis crash by in the dead of night, I'm out of touch. The one person that could regularly be counted on to be around for company and giggle fits has gone home...to the other side of the country, and even though I heard her voice the other day, it only made me realize that I've been too busy to miss her. My new roommate is quite a few shades of cool, but she really has a life and isn't home much. *sigh* Pity me.

The phone doesn't ring in my room.
I need a longer cord for it so that I can connect it to the phone jack in another room, since mine is inactive. Even when people do call me on the phone, or I call them, I feel uncomfortable without hearing the echo of my own voice in both of my ears.

Work is lonesome. The college kids who are in the same position as I are conversational and interesting, and so we enjoy our lunches thoroughly. But the majority of the day consists of trying to convince strangers that I have something worthwhile to say.

I have no internet at my apartment, now. I'm out of touch with bloggy people, friends from home, game people...everyone. No AIM, no Blogger, no DoN. *sigh*

Yes, it is possible to live on love alone.

To whom it may concern:

I currently have no internet access as a direct result of moving out of the dorms. Should have some soon. Until then: blogging from elsewhere.

Mmm....first day of work. Telemarketing businesses isn't so bad...tasty tasty co-workers....mmmm...

It's hard...smooth...clean...this sense of missing. A seed or a stone I turn in my fingers...small and cool. I keep it in my pocket, always with me but sometimes forgotten. Cherished when remembered. I want to place it in your hands and ask you to take it from me and to never give it back.

I love you. Missing you is sad but perfect.

Today has been a waking dream..not a good one and not a bad one. A definite fogginess that hasn't made very much sense at all, I rush to one place and then find instant stillness in waiting or thinking.

My goodness, I'm sleepy...

I dreamed that I sat with my back to a metal trash barrel. The grass under my legs was short but soft instead of scratchy, and the air was hot and humid but not unbearable for sitting still. Across the sky, the wind chased huge white clouds whose shadows swept over the fields and were gone, only to be replaced by new ones.

An island...I sat on an island edged by white-flowering bushes on one side and tall green trees on another. There was no sound of waves or smell of salt, but I could see nothing beyond this freshly mowed field, and knew that there was nothing to be seen. The wind blew my hair into and away from my face and I smiled into the sun, though I felt it slowly burning my skin.

The boys...they ran back and forth, calling, mocking each other and throwing a disk between them. It had been a long time since I'd seen any of them. Every little while they would break for water, hug me, and ask me if I didn't want to play. "No," I said, "I'm having a good time just watching." They smiled and shook their heads and went back to the business of getting sweaty.

I smiled and went back to appreciating oblivion.

I realized that I wasn't sleeping.